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In Purposeful Marriage Part 3, husbands were directly spoken to, calling them back to Christlike leadership, sacrificial love, and true headship rooted in humility and service. Today, in this part, the focus is lovingly turned to wives. Although this post is focused on the wife, it is important to note that the words and actions of both parties are important in a purposeful marriage.
A purposeful marriage requires both spouses to grow, to unlearn unhealthy patterns, and to embrace GOD’s design with a willing heart. This part focuses on a woman’s words (speaking to and about her husband), and actions; how she builds, nurtures, and protects the atmosphere of her home. Just as husbands must lead with love, wives must respond with wisdom, honour, and grace.
In every marriage, words and actions carry power. Just like JESUS, the words we speak have life in them. The question is: are we speaking life or death? Are we building our homes with wisdom, or tearing them down with careless words and unguarded actions?
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
-Proverbs 14:1
Speaking Life, Not Destruction
Our words matter. They can either lift or crush, heal or wound. Many wives don’t realise how much their tone and choice of words affect the atmosphere of their homes. The Bible warns that,
A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day -Proverbs 27:15
It’s not just what we say, but how we say it. A gentle answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). For example, when tension rises, try these shifts in response where instead of saying:
- “You never listen to me!”, you could try saying “Can we talk about this when we’re both calmer?”
- “I’m tired of doing everything myself.”, try saying “I’d really appreciate your help with this.”
- “You don’t care about me.”, try saying, “I feel a bit unseen today, could we spend some time together?”
- “You’re just like your father!”, try saying “I know you’re trying your best, can we find a better way to handle this?”
Gentleness doesn’t mean weakness, it means wisdom. It is infact one of the fruits of the SPIRIT (Galatians 5:22 – 23). The soft answer disarms anger, creates space for peace, and invites understanding.
Talking to Your Spouse – Not at Him
Some women have developed the habit of constant talking, but communication is not a competition of words. True listening requires silence and attention. Consider this, if you’re searching for what to reply while your husband is still speaking, you’re not really listening. Active listening means letting him finish, understanding his heart, and responding with grace.
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. -James 1:19
Talking about Your Spouse
And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head… -1 Corinthians 11:5 (NIV)
Although this scripture has literal and symbolic meaning, it also reminds us of a spiritual covering – honouring your husband through words and conduct. Covering your head means protecting your home, your husband, and your marriage with discretion and prayer. It also translates to a woman having honour for the headship structure that GOD has put in place; ‘CHRIST – The man – The woman‘, recognising and respecting her husband as her head, and CHRIST as the head of them both.
Be careful not to expose your husband’s weaknesses to friends, family, or social media. Many women rush to post their frustrations online before they’ve even prayed about them. Remember, there is wisdom in silence. Not every matter deserves public attention.
Before you share, ask:
- Have I spoken to GOD about this?
- Would my words protect or expose my home?
- Is this the right time to speak out?
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Your actions can either reflect submission and love or reveal pride and resentment. The Holy Spirit must endorse your behaviour. Respect is not just what you say, it is also how you act.
For instance:
- Do you roll your eyes or walk away mid-conversation?
- Do you withhold affection or use silent treatment as punishment?
- Do you slam doors, or lock your husband out in anger?
The list goes on and on… Some women enjoy calling themselves “drama queens,” but is that really consistent with the life of a woman walking in purpose and in the Spirit?
These actions wound deeply and grieve the Spirit. Sarah called her husband lord (1 Peter 3:6), showing respect even in imperfection. We may not use the same words today, but the spirit of reverence must remain.
Healing the Heart
Let’s be honest, many women carry wounds. Some have been hurt, disrespected, or treated unfairly, and those scars can breed bitterness and resentment. But for a marriage to succeed in CHRIST, you must let go and allow GOD to heal your heart. Forgive your spouse today for your own healing, wholeness and peace of mind. A lot of us have heard the popular saying…
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die
Rememeber:
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. -Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
Unforgiveness is a weight that blocks your prayers and peace. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you release it, because your healing also heals your marriage.
In summary, words and actions stems from the heart, hence, be very careful to guard/keep your heart with ALL DELIGENCE because indeed, out of our hearts flow our thoughs, our words and ultimately our actions (Proverbs 4:23).
A Simple Prayer
“Dear Holy Spirit, I thank you for my life, my husband, my marriage and home. Please heal my heart from every hurt and disappointment. Restore in me the grace to love and submit with joy. Help me guard my thoughs, my speech and actions, that I may build my home in wisdom and reflect CHRIST in all I do. In JESUS MIGHTY name! Amen!!.”
Congratulations!!! Your home is set to propser by the grace and mercies of GOD in JESUS name! Amen!!
If you have read up till this point, you are a champion! It shows how intentional you are 💪
Thank you for sticking around. The final post in this series (Part 5) will focus on practical tips for couples in a purposeful marriage. See you soon 🙂
Did you miss Part 1? Read “Purposeful Marriage: Knowing Yourself and Your Calling“
Also check out “Purposeful Marriage (Part 2): Marrying Into Destiny, Not Just a Person“
This will give you a tremendous insight into how husbands should lead “Purposeful Marriage (Part 3): Husbands Leading With Love and Submission“
All scriptures are taken from the New Living Translation unless otherwise stated.
Wishing you the very best as you grow deep down, and spiritually rooted in GOD through CHRIST the Lord. Amen!!
We’d love to hear from you! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. If you have a personal question or something you’d prefer to discuss privately, you can also reach out via email 😇
P.S. Just one word, phrase, clause or sentence can bring the positive change that you need. Find it here at gloryinyou⭐
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